How to get your life back on track

"I don't know what to do," Tricia said as she sat down across from me. She gave a heavy sigh. "I just feel so drained, all the time. And yet, everything in my life is fine. My kids are healthy, I'm healthy. My marriage is wonderful. I like my work. I mean, it's not perfect. But there's nothing wrong, and yet…something's wrong."

When I hear something like that, I know it's time for the Wheel of Life.

I showed Tricia a sample Wheel. "There are all the major areas in our lives," I told her, "but unless we're taking care of all of them, not just some, the wheel can't turn properly."

I asked her to fill out her own Wheel of Life, coloring in the areas fully if they were going well, partially if they were okay, and leaving them blank if they weren't. She got busy with her colored pencils. When she was done, she looked it over in surprise.

"What do you see?" I asked.

"Well, like I said, most things are going fine," she said, pointing to the slices that she'd colored in fully. "Career, home environment, romance. Family & friends is okay – could be better. I've been tense with my kids lately, because I'm so drained. But then these parts…" She gestured to Fun and Spirituality. Fun was filled in about a quarter; Spirituality was all white. "I had no idea these areas are so lacking. I haven't thought about them in ages."

"Tell me about Fun," I said. "Why did you choose to color in that much?"

"I mean, I have fun with my kids," she said, shrugging. "When I'm not snapping at them. I love cheering them on at their sports games. But that's about it. I never do anything for me, that I like."

"What would be fun for you?"

She thought, then shook her head. "I don't know…taking a nap, honestly."

"What else?"

She was clearly struggling to think of anything, so I pulled out my rebounder (it's like a mini trampoline, if you haven't seen one), and invited her to jump on it.

"Excuse me?" she said, looking startled.

I got on it so she wouldn't feel silly. "This is one way I like to shake things up," I said, jumping. "When you move, you can get around all the clutter that's built up in your mind, and access those answers that are deep in your body." I stepped off. "Want to try?"

She laughed, mostly out of discomfort, but agreed. After she'd given it a few jumps, I returned to our line of questions. "What would be fun for you?" I said.

Tricia smiled. "Well, this is more fun that I thought," she said. "It reminds me of when I was little and I'd jump rope for hours. I don't know how I had all that energy. Maybe I should take up jump-roping again."

"What else?"

"Going out with my friends," she said. "Letting loose. I haven't seen my girlfriends in ages. We're all just so busy. I miss them."

"Could you get together with them this weekend?"

She slowed to a stop. "No, I have Robbie's baseball game, and then a birthday party for Eva."

"What about after that?"

"No. Then they kids'll need dinner, and – geez, listen to me. It's like I'm trying not to have fun." She laughed, then started jumping again, playing around with one foot, then the other. "I'll call them and see if they're free."

After that, we moved on to Spirituality. She got off the rebounder, and I asked her what her life would look like if those areas were colored in fully, and she described to me some activities she could see herself doing: volunteering, journaling, giving herself more "me" time.

"What's different about the areas that are colored in fully?" I asked. "Why are they so full?"

At first, she didn't know what to say. So she stepped back up on the rebounder, and after a minute, she said simply, "I spend time on them. I make them priorities." The inverse was true, too – for the areas that are lacking, they were lacking because she didn't make them priorities.

Tricia left that day with some "homework": Call her friends. Meditate every day for a week. Take a bath Friday night with her favorite book.

A couple sessions later, she asked if she could use my colored pencils. Then she took out her Wheel of Life and proceeded to color in Fun and Spirituality, almost all the way up. She also finished coloring in Family & Friends all the way to the rim.

"You know what's funny," she said. "I used to think that taking time for myself meant taking time away from my family. But I've found that when I take time for me, I'm able to give them more. When I improved one area, the other areas improved, too.

"And—sort of along those lines—when you first asked me to get on the rebounder, I thought, Oh God no, I'm WAY too tired for that. But as soon as I did, I felt energized. It's like, the more you move, the more you want to move."

Through that magic combination of mindset and movement, Tricia was able to pinpoint what areas in her life needed attention. When she did, she knew what she had to do. Today, her Wheel is rolling along smoothly. She sees her friends regularly, and she got more involved at her gym (where they had a rebounding class!). When she starts feeling drained, she told me, she does two things: 1) she looks at her Wheel of Life and asks, What area isn't fully colored in right now? And 2) She moves her body, finding the answers she needs beneath all the mental clutter.

And you can do the same.

First, you can download the Wheel of Life (for free – my gift to you!) at this link. When you need help finding answers, get up and move. If you have a rebounder or trampoline, use it! You can also jump in place. Add some twists, hop on one foot. Play with it. Use a jump-rope if you like.

If you're in the NYC area, come join me at one or all of my Wheel of Life workshops next month at the JCC. Click here to register!

Also, there's a special day coming up this weekend, so to all the busy moms out there, I honor and appreciate all you do. I hope you take time for some much-deserved fun and self-love this week. Happy Mother's Day!

Go out and shine.

Sonia