How to identify negative thought patterns – and free yourself from them

Quarantine has been a strange time for everyone. It's forced us to adapt to a new lifestyle, learn to live in close quarters either alone or with others, and it's disrupted pretty much every area of life. So of course it's going to disrupt our thoughts. It's set off stress responses not just in our bodies and emotions, but also in how and what we think.

The cool thing is, we can identify – and change – those negative thought patterns.

Psychologists call these patterns "cognitive distortions." Below are some of the most common ones I'm seeing and hearing (and thinking) while we're in quarantine – along with some ways to free ourselves from their clutches.

"Mind reading."

"Don't you KNOW how I feel? Isn't it obvious?" "No, actually, I have no idea how you feel."

Assuming that other people can read our minds (and that we can read others'.) Emotions right now are so rampant and volatile, and there are so many unknowns – so it's essential to remember that people are not mind readers. When we assume others know what we need and how we feel, and when we assume that we know how OTHER people feel and what they need, we're basically asking for conflict.

How to free yourself: Be clear about your own feelings. Be vocal and honest (and of course, respectful). Remember that until you tell someone what's going on in your head and heart, they simply can't know.

Also, ask questions, then listen. Invite those around you to be clear, vocal, and honest, so that you're not left guessing. Once everyone's needs and feelings are out in the open, you're better equipped to figure out how best to move forward. Maybe that means a change in schedule, or setting firmer boundaries.

Minimizing.

"I haven't done anything today." "This week was a total waste." "I haven't accomplished anything in months."

Especially now, when we're faced with a massively disrupted lifestyle and not much change of scenery day-to-day, it's easy to feel like we're falling short. We hold ourselves to impossible standards, comparing ourselves to the glossy, Photoshopped success stories on social media – and so we forget, ignore, or belittle our own worth. And that makes us feel lousy, which makes us beat up on ourselves even more.

How to free yourself: Ask powerful questions, like "What do I have?" "What have I accomplished?" "What am I proud of? I bet that if you listed out all the things you've done – today, this week, since quarantine started – you'll find you've actually done a lot. (For a Moti Minute on getting these into your mind and body, click here.) Remind yourself that you have so much more going for you than you realize.

Catastrophizing.

"Oh my God, it's the end of the world, everything is horrible, we're all going to die."

I know what you're thinking: But aren't we actually IN a catastrophe? It's bad out there, for sure. But that doesn't mean our thoughts need to go to such extremes. As a cognitive distortion, catastrophizing is when we imagine – and act on – the worst. We work ourselves into a frenzy; we buy into extremes; we lose our center. Catastrophizing brings us into a perceived future that's scary and largely imaginary. That never serves us.

How to free yourself: This is a tricky one, because I absolutely don't want you to deny your true feelings. If you're panicking, feel that panic – and then let it go. Find ways to temper your more extreme thoughts. Ask, Is that really true?

Bring yourself to the immediate present. Breathe in, breathe out. Focus on what's going well, on what you have, on what makes you feel safe. Take care of yourself. Be gentle, be kind. Do things that make you feel happy and safe. Read a book, take a bath, watch your favorite comedy.

Also, unplug. I've said it before and I'll say it now: limit your exposure to media. News reports are the ultimate catastrophizers – so listen and read in small doses.

Do any of those ring true for you?

This week, I invite you to take notice of your own thinking. Do you tend to minimize, catastrophize, or expect people to mind-read?

Remember, your thoughts are not always true. It's a mark of intelligence to be able to entertain a thought without believing it. Especially when your thoughts start to make you feel scared, angry, or overstressed, notice that. Consider whether that thought might be a distortion of reality.

You always have the choice to step into a place of peace. Even when things get hard, you have a sacred space inside you where you can find calm and center. Practice going there – every day, if you can – so that when things get especially hard, it's easier for you to go there.

Stay in, stay centered, and shine.

Sonia