Is Your Money Attachment Style Making You Rich or Broke?

There is a lot of talk about relationship attachment styles these days and while I’m not a fan of having these terms define you, they can certainly shed some light on all your relationships.

Attachment theory was developed by British Psychologist John Bowlby. The basic concept is our relationships today reflect how we viewed and experienced relationships, particularly with our primary caregivers in our formative years. 

Last week on FB Live, I spoke about how relationship attachment styles can impact your personal and romantic relationships …for your listening pleasure you can check it out here. https://bit.ly/3CFZNtU

You might be thinking, well that’s nice but what does that have to do with getting rich?

The fact is, we don’t just have relationships with people, we have relationships with money too! And how you feel and what you believe can have a big impact on whether you earn, save, invest, or even lose money.

Let’s look at the 4 Money Relationship Attachment Styles.

Which one sounds most like you?

Secure – People with this attachment style have a very healthy relationship to money. They are confident in their ability to earn it and make sensible choices around balancing the desire to spend, save and invest. There is a deep trust and understanding that money goes out and money flows in and they can adjust when necessary.

 If this is you:

• Challenge yourself to make strong financial goals and confidently go for them.
• Continue to trust in yourself to earn and make wise choices.
• Keep calibrating to the flow and growth of your wealth.

Anxious- These folks have a hyper focused awareness and desire for money but don’t trust their ability to earn it. Or if they have built some wealth, they have a tremendous fear of losing it. Money has a larger-than-life power over their thoughts and actions and often leaves them with the inability to properly discern what to spend, save or invest.

 If this is you:

• It’s imperative to work on your inner confidence and self-worth.
• To help you understand and own your value, start by asking, “What do I have?” ie: Skills, education, life experience, knowledge, assets, etc. Also, account for all of your accomplishments.
• Journal or create a gratitude practice to connect and feel the abundance around you.
• When doubts about “not being good enough” creep in (and those pesky thoughts will), stop, breath and check in, “Is that really true or is that a protective mechanism?”
• Think of yourself as an equal partner with money and make deliberate choices from that perspective.

Avoidant/Dismissive- Those with this style are typically very entrenched in the belief that they don’t need to be wealthy to be worthy. They are confident in their ability to get by and believe they are better for it but often miss out on financial opportunities because of their negative perceptions of having “too much” money.

 If this is you:

• Ask what do you gain by restricting yourself of pleasure and opportunity? What do you lose?
•  Look at people who have money and have made great contributions? Are they all evil?? (probably not!)
• Or as Sarojini Naidu, president of the Indian National Congress, once said about Ghandi, "It costs a lot of money to keep this man in poverty." Recognize that even the greatest, selfless efforts to help mankind cost money. So, if you want to make an impact, think about how much more you could do with greater financial abundance?
• Money is not inherently good or bad. Remember you have the power to choose who you become and what you do with your wealth.

Disorganized/Fearful Attachment- This attachment style can lead to very inconsistent behavior around money. Most often these people have negative beliefs around money and lack confidence in themselves which can make them want to avoid money all together. It’s painful and not dealing with it is better than facing it head on. Or if they do have money, they may be very indecisive and vacillate between wanting to spend it and then pulling back out of fear of letting it go.

 If this is you:

• It’s important to look honestly at your situation. Often the fear is worse than the reality, so take small steps to assess your finances and options.
• Ask, “What if it were easy, what would I do?” This is a powerful question anytime you feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• Get help and accountability from someone you trust…a coach, therapist, mentor, group or supportive friend.
• Create a step-by-step action plan with small doable goals to move forward and celebrate every win. These successes will give you evidence that you are capable and help you build confidence in both yourself and your ability to manage your money.

If YOU are struggling with finances and want to  learn 3 ways to attract more money and 1 thing to avoid,  email [email protected]  for your Money Breakthrough Session.

Step into your secure attachment style and shine