What to do when you're nervous (especially around the holidays)

Yesterday, I got a phone call from Clare, one of my earliest clients who'd come to me when she needed help making a big decision in her career. After a decade working in business consulting, she'd successfully transitioned to academia, where she'd recently gotten tenure teaching business psychology at a prestigious college.

                  "But that's not what I'm calling about," she said. "I want to tell you about my ice dancing performance this weekend."

                  Ice dancing?! "Tell me about it!" I said.

Here's what happened. After finals week, Clare headed to her New England hometown to spend time with her aging parents. While there, she called up the rink where she'd taken ice dancing lessons years before (and where she'd performed in several showcases), and booked a time to practice.

While there, the owner saw her practicing and came out to watch. "There's still time, you know," he said from the bleachers.

                  She skated over. "Time for what?"

                  "To be in our student showcase this weekend," he said.

                  "You mean perform?" He nodded. Clare was totally flattered, not to mention caught off guard. "Maybe," she said, smiling.

For the rest of practice, she ran through an old routine she'd choreographed, thinking how exciting it would be to perform again. But she also started to feel nervous—a clawing sensation in her belly, which felt horrible, and which she knew wouldn't let up until the performance was over. "I loved performing," she told me, "I just hated how nervous it made me. It would keep me from sleeping, eating. It was terrible."

That night, she decided to tell the owner thanks but no thanks. She'd come home to relax, not to spend a week freaking out about a performance. But then she checked her email, and he'd sent out the showcase lineup – with her name on it.

Oh, crap. It's real, she thought, her heart beating faster. I guess I'm doing this. mingled with fear. Secretly, she wanted to perform, so she was glad he'd done that. But that didn't mean she wasn't nervous.

That week, she practiced every chance she got—and not just her ice dancing routine. "I practiced choosing excitement over fear," she said. "I practiced exhaling. You were right – it really works!"

This is one of the simplest mind-body tools I know of, and also one of the most effective. The reason it works is this: the only difference between fear and excitement is in the exhale.

When we're afraid (which often shows up as nervousness or stress), we tend to hold our breath in the top of our lungs. When we're excited, we exhale fully, sending the message to our bodies and brains: "This isn't scary, it's fun!"

Clare remembered that tool from way back in our coaching time together, and she used it every chance she got in the week leading up to the showcase. She also remembered the Perspectives exercise we'd done together. If you haven't done it, Perspectives is a powerful tool that helps you explore different points of view around a problem or situation. Clare chose to step out of "I'm scared, I'm gonna mess up" and into "This is fun, it's gonna be great."

When it came time to perform, she stood backstage in her skates, focusing on her exhale. Whenever she felt her stomach start to roil, she let out a long breath, and stepped into a place of "This is going to be great."

And it was. She rocked it. "It felt so amazing to perform again," she said, her voice breathless with excitement. "I felt so strong, like I can do anything."

                  What an inspiring way to spend her Christmas break!

While you may or may not find yourself ice dancing in front of a crowd this holiday season, I'm going to guess there's something causing some level of stress or nervousness for you. Spending a long time with family, fielding questions about your work or relationships or health, feeling the financial (and emotional!) stress of gift-giving, missing loved ones who are no longer with us…the list goes on. And in all of these cases, no matter what you're experiencing this year, I invite you to breath.

                  Inhale, then let it allll out. Focus on that exhale. And feel how it changes your body.

                  Deep exhaling does a number of things for our bodies and minds. It:

• Releases tension in the chest and upper back
• Helps us relax into a feeling (yes, even an unpleasant one) instead of resisting it, which enables us to let it go
• Creates space for positive thoughts and feelings to enter into our minds and bodies

This year, my holiday stress is centered around getting everything done. Finding meaningful gifts for everyone on my list, preparing the house for guests, planning all the meals and activities. When I catch myself feeling stressed about those things, I also notice that I've been breathing shallowly, and/or holding my breath.

When I let out a long, luxurious exhale, I notice my body relax, the tension dissipates, and all the wonderful things about those stressors filter back in: My family will all be together. There will be laughter, surprise, coziness. How fortunate I am to have this time with my loved ones.

Exhaling transforms our fear into something positive. Excitement, peace, calmness – whatever you want to experience.

So let's turn to you.

Is there something—holiday-related or not—making you feel stressed or nervous?

Breathe deeply, and even more deeply, let it out.

Step into the perspective you want to have (I'm gonna guess it's not "This is going to be a disaster! I hate this!"). Maybe it's "This will all work out" or "I am enough." Choose one that feels the most true for you.

Do this whenever you need to. I promise, you can't use it up. In fact, the more you use it, the easier it gets.

This holiday season and always, know that you have the power to step into a place of positivity, strength, and peace – any time, any where. It starts with the choice to do so, and one good, long exhale.

Go out, remember to breath, and shine.

P.S. (If you want to go through the whole Perspectives method, it's available as a guided audio on my website! Here's the link >>>)